My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
