How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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