His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
