Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
