So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
