Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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