Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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