I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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