Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
