He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i think my cat just said my name.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
