too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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