she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I did not marry a roomba.
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