Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
