im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
