ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had to cum in my sink.
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