What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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