Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
