Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
