Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
