Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
