I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
