meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Buhtt sex?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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