she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
