No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
