They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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