I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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