didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
