found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
