The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
