I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
