The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?