Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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