Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
