pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My feet surprised me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
