in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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