omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize