Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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