Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
