My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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