Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
