I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
