That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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