2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
