I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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