I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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