It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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