Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
