Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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