He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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