I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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