respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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