YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I won the penis lottery.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms