I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you will always have a special place in my vag
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.