so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
