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• (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

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• (905): View more from Toronto

  Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  i turned job hunting into a drinking game..

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  I can pencil you in at 3:30

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.

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