We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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