Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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