In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.