oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
