it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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