I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
