But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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