He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
