did you get engaged???
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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