so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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