I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
