There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
