i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize