If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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