You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
