don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
