She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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