I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
