We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
