Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
