it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
