New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize