Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
