I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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